When Life Feels Like Too Much: Finding Balance When You Care About Everything
Lately, we’ve been hearing a lot of people say some version of the same thing:
“I’m just tired.”
Not necessarily physically tired, although sometimes that’s part of it.
More like… there is just so much.
So much to do. So many people to care about. So many responsibilities. So many things that matter... and so little left of me.
Work has been busy. School has been busy. The business has been busy. The house has been busy. Life has been busy.
And even when things are going well, it can still feel like a lot.
We’ve been hearing from people who are trying to build careers, raise families, finish degrees, grow businesses, care for aging parents, keep up with friendships, serve their communities, manage households, make ends meet, or simply get through a season that seems to demand more from them than they have to give.
Some are working long hours.
Some are coming home from physically demanding jobs after spending all day on their feet, outside, in the heat or cold, covered in sweat and ready to collapse - and still heading to their kid’s game.
Some are in college trying to balance classes, work, relationships, and figuring out what comes next in the great unknown.
Some are entrepreneurs who can never quite turn the business off because it feels like there is always one more thing that needs their attention.
Some are retired and discovering that retirement didn't necessarily mean slowing down. There are grandkids, volunteer commitments, church, travel, home projects, caregiving, friends, and all the things they finally have time to do.
Some are caregivers.
Some are parents.
Some are students.
Some are employees.
Some are business owners.
Some are doing several of those things at once.
And some people are simply trying to keep up with ordinary life. (I mean, does the laundry ever actually get DONE?)
Different circumstances. Different responsibilities. Different reasons for feeling stretched.
But the feeling can be remarkably similar.
There is more to do than there seems to be time for.
The tension of caring about your life
The complicated thing is that most of us don't actually want to stop caring.
We want to do a good job.
We want to be dependable.
We want to contribute.
We want to provide.
We want to be successful at whatever we've decided to put our energy into.
We want to take pride in our work.
We want to be someone our coworkers can count on.
We want to finish the degree.
We want the business to succeed.
We want to make enough money.
We want to take care of the house.
We want to show up for our families.
We want to be good friends.
We want to help our communities.
We want to be there when someone needs us.
And sometimes we want all of those things at the same time.
That’s where it gets hard.
Because there are only so many hours in a day.
There is only so much energy in a person.
And there is only so much emotional space available before something starts to feel like too much.
Providing is bigger than a paycheck
One of the things that can make this especially complicated is the idea of providing.
Providing financially is important.
For many people, working hard means paying the mortgage or rent. It means keeping the lights on. It means saving for the future. It means paying tuition. It means supporting a spouse's goals. It means taking care of a child or children. It means helping parents. It means having enough when something unexpected happens (leaky roof, anyone??).
There is real weight to that responsibility.
But providing isn't only financial.
We provide our time.
Our attention.
Our encouragement.
Our patience.
Our presence.
We sit with someone who is having a hard day.
We answer the phone.
We show up to the game or the recital.
We listen to a friend.
We make dinner.
We help someone move.
We check on an aging parent.
We volunteer.
We sit through another meeting.
We stay late because someone needs us.
We do the small things that make the people around us feel cared for.
And sometimes the tension is that the work we do to provide financially can take away from the time and energy we want to give in all those other ways.
That can leave a person feeling pulled in two directions.
I need to work.
I want to be present.
I need to provide.
I want to enjoy my life.
I want to succeed.
I want to slow down.
I want to give more.
I don't have anything left to give.
There isn't always a neat answer to that tension.
When doing a good job starts feeling like never doing enough
There is also a difference between wanting to do something well and feeling like you can never do enough.
Those can start to blur together.
You finish the assignment, but there is another one.
You finish the project, but there is another deadline.
You get through the workday, but your phone is still buzzing.
You make it through the week, but the toilets still need scrubbing.
You show up for everyone else, but realize you haven't checked in with yourself.
You finally get a quiet evening and spend it thinking about everything you didn't accomplish.
And somewhere along the way, productivity can start to feel like a measure of whether we're doing life correctly.
If I'm accomplishing things, I'm okay.
If I'm falling behind, something must be wrong.
If everyone is happy with me, I'm doing enough.
If someone is disappointed, maybe I should have done more.
If I have to rest, maybe I'm being lazy.
If I can't keep up, maybe I'm not capable enough.
That's a heavy way to live.
And it can happen to almost anyone.
We don't think the answer is to stop caring.
Caring is a good thing.
Wanting to do good work is a good thing.
Wanting to provide for the people you love is a good thing.
Having goals is a good thing.
Being ambitious is not a character flaw.
Taking pride in your work is not a problem.
The question is: "what happens when those things begin taking everything else with them."
When there is no room left for rest.
No room for relationships.
No room for joy.
No room to think.
No room to simply exist without accomplishing something.
No room to be a person instead of an employee, student, parent, business owner, caregiver, volunteer, or whatever other roles you carry.
Because you are more than what you produce.
You are more than what you accomplish.
You are more than how much money you make.
You are more than how successful your business becomes.
You are more than your grades.
You are more than how many people depend on you.
And remembering that doesn't mean you stop caring about those things.
It means those things don't get to determine your worth.
And then comes the holiday season
For many people, this time of year adds another layer. At the time of writing, it's early October. If you look around any store, you'll already see Halloween decorations, Fall themed "Thanksgiving" items, and even Christmas stuff set up.
The holidays can be wonderful.
They can also be a lot.
There are gatherings to plan, costumes to coordinate, gifts to buy, meals to prepare, travel, family dynamics, financial pressure, end-of-year wrap ups, school schedules, work deadlines, traditions, expectations, and sometimes added layers of grief or loneliness.
For some people, the holidays mean doing more of the things they already don't have enough time to do.
And there can be this strange pressure to make it all feel joyful while you're running on fumes.
So if you're heading into the holiday season already feeling stretched, you're not alone.
If you're excited about the holidays and exhausted by them at the same time, you're not alone.
If you love your family but find family gatherings complicated, you're not alone.
If you're grateful for your life and still feel overwhelmed by it sometimes, you're not alone.
Those things can exist together.
We see you
Maybe you're the person who has been working late because you care about getting the job done right.
Maybe you're the person sitting in a classroom wondering how you're going to fit one more assignment into an already full week.
Maybe you're building something of your own and carrying the weight of knowing that if you don't do it, it doesn't get done.
Maybe you're coming home from work exhausted and still putting dinner on the table.
Maybe you're caring for someone else and wondering when you'll get a chance to take care of yourself.
Maybe you're retired but somehow busier than you ever expected to be.
Maybe your life looks completely different from all of those examples, and you're still tired.
We see you.
And we want you to know that you don't have to have everything figured out before you reach out for support; you don't have to have the language to describe it exactly. You don't have to wait until you're falling apart (though, if you are- we welcome you, too!).
You don't have to have a perfect explanation for why you're overwhelmed.
You don't have to know exactly what needs to change.
Sometimes you just need somewhere to say, “This is a lot right now.”
Somewhere to untangle the different expectations you're carrying.
Somewhere to talk about the pressure to succeed, the pressure to provide, the pressure to be there for everyone else, and the quiet fear that you're somehow still not doing enough.
That is something we can make space for.
Because, while hacks can be nice, we feel like the most helpful thing isn't another strategy for squeezing more into your day. Sometimes it's helpful having a place to slow down long enough to figure out what is actually asking so much of you.
What you want.
What you need.
What you can carry.
What you can let go of.
And what it might look like to be present for your life without feeling like you have to earn your right to be there.
As we move into a season that can ask a lot of us, we hope you'll remember this:
You don't have to prove your worth by how much you can carry.
You don't have to accomplish everything to have had a meaningful day.
You don't have to give everyone everything.
And you don't have to choose between caring about your responsibilities and caring about yourself.
There is room to talk about all of it.
And if you need somewhere to do that, we're here.
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